Overheard in the Senate:

Harry Reid

"Speaker Boehner, as you are aware, we damn well offered you a GREAT bargain deal with the beginning, complete with all kinds of budget cuts."

Senate Majority Leader Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nevada)

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John Boehner

"Yes sir, Mr. Majority Leader, you did."

Speaker of the House Rep. John Boehner (R-Ohio)

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Harry Reid

"And you agreed to it."

Sen. Reid

- - -

John Boehner

"Yes sir, I did agree to it."

Rep. Boehner

- - -

Harry Reid

"And then you fucked EVERYONE over by saying, 'NO THANKS,' thus showing you are absolutely a dick in all ways."

Sen. Reid 

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John Boehner

"Yes sir, that is correct. I am in all ways a dick."

Rep. Boehner

- - -

Harry Reid

"Great. Well, the Senate is now in control of this process, and listen up: now you get nothing Boehner. In fact, for your high level of inexplicable, unexplainable, unprofessional incompetence, now we are going the other way. You lose the sequester cuts. That's right. You lose the gains you've made in the past year just because you are so fucking inept no one can stand to be around you."

Sen. Reid  

Mitch McConnell

- - -

"I don't know if I can really go along with that, Sen. Reid."

Senate Minority Leader Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky)

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Harry Reid

"McConnell: Fuck you. Boehner: Get out there and start selling it to your minions. We have a lot of work to do in four days, shitheads. You will have the details as soon as they are worked out."

Sen. Reid  

 

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John Boehner

"Thank you sir, may I have another?"

Rep. Boehner

- - -

Harry Reid

 

 

"Right. And now, Sen. McConnell, it is time that you and I once again put our heads together and pulled the country back from the brink. Except, this time, you have nothing to bargain with, nothing I want, and nothing you can possibly pull out of your ass except perhaps last night's dinner. So... it appears I am in the driver's seat."

Sen. Reid 

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Mitch McConnell

"The American people didn't send--... "

Sen. McConnell

- - -

Harry Reid

 

"Stop. Right now. The American people didn't send you here to be an asshole either, but here you are. You're being recalcitrant and I'm done with that. This time, you are fucked. All I can say is bend over and try to enjoy it. Pretend you are back home on the family farm in Kentucky."

Sen. Reid