 |
| John McCain |
“Oh,
this president is just so motherfucking naïve about Russian President Putin and
everything about Iran and Iraq, and I just can’t stand it. There’s never been a
president this naïve about these things. I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to
take it any more!”
Sen.
John McCain (R-Arizona)
- - -
 |
| Lindsey Graham |
“There,
there, now, my own little personal P-O-W. Like I told you last week, you really
have to get a hold on this temper of yours or you are going to stroke out—and
then who will I spend my golden years with?”
Sen. Lindsey
Graham (R-South Carolina)
- - -
 |
| John McCain |
“I
can’t help it, Linds! This president is going to bring about the end of the
world with his naiveté!”
Sen.
McCain
- - -
|
| Lindsey Graham |
“Well,
I can remember when a certain little bald war hero from Arizona was naïve, too,
you know.”
Sen.
Graham
- - -
|
| John McCain |
“After
Vietnam, I was never naïve, Lindsey.”
Sen.
McCain
- - -
|
| Lindsey Graham |
“Oh
sure you were. Remember our first time ... on vacation together? There we were … ”
Sen.
Graham
- - -
|
| John McCain |
“Are
you going to tell another one of those stories I don’t remember
happening?”
Sen.
McCain
- - -
|
| Lindsey Graham |
“If you
don’t remember, it’s because you are a blackout drunk, Johnny. You remember all right … no one forgets their first time ... with me! So there we were … all the way up in Ogunquit,
Maine, of all places. You thought we were just on a quiet little respite from
the busy life in Washington, when we actually were in one of the largest gay
communities in New England! I wanted you to spend some time among your own
kind, Johnny, so you could relax and just be YOURSELF for once. You were so naïve. You didn't have a clue of what was really up.”
Sen.
Graham
- - -
|
| John McCain |
“Whatever
you say, Lindsey. You are making this stuff up.”
Sen.
McCain
- - -
|
| Lindsey Graham |
“So … there
we were at the Five-O restaurant—I ate their famous Maine lobster cakes with corn sauce while you had that herb-crusted rack of lamb. We got totally
hammered over dinner, and before I knew it, you tore off your suit and tie and had
a hula skirt on underneath! And you weren’t wearing any underwear! Let me tell you, honey, that was no palm tree a-swaying in the wind! And what a bunch of co-co-NUTS! You started
dancing on the bar, and screaming something about being ‘one giant volcano full
of molten love’ that was about to ‘erupt’. Everyone loved you!”
Sen.
Graham
- - -
|
| John McCain |
“And
where did I get the goddam hula skirt from, Lindsey? You are so full of shit.”
Sen.
McCain
- - -
|
| Lindsey Graham |
“You know
damn well you stole that hula skirt from a mannequin earlier in the day
from that Hawaiian T-shirt store, John. It was back in your kleptomaniac days and you were stealing all sorts of stupid shit. That night, I
thought you left the skirt in the room, but no, you had it on under your
clothes.”
Sen.
Graham
- - -
 |
| John McCain |
“That
damn thing itched like a sonuvabitch too! I had an ass rash for a week
afterward! ... I mean … I don’t know what you are talking about, Sen. Graham.”
Sen.
McCain
- - -
|
| Lindsey Graham |
“I knew you remembered! So ... then we go back to our room and you went on a crying jag, telling
me how no one understood what it was like to be a P-O-W, and how you wanted to
be the president of the nation more than anything. I let you cry it all out and
then I tucked you in bed and said goodnight and headed over to the Front Porch
Café and Piano Bar and started pounding down the drinkie-poos. I woke up on the
beach covered in seaweed and cockleshells, with enough sand up my ass to create
my own beach! I got a lot of smiles at breakfast that morning, though maybe that was on account of how much sausage I ate … either
then or the night before! I can’t remember which.”
Sen.
Graham
- - -
|
| John McCain |
“That’s
it. You have given me the willies. I love our little talks, Lindsey, with all
of your pretend stories. It amazes me to see just how rainbow-twisted your mind
is! But dammit, when the willies start, I gotta quit listening.”
Sen.
McCain
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