Overheard on Fox News:

Louie Gohmert

“When we close our embassies down because of a little terrorist threat, we look like a bunch of pussies. For God’s sake, we’re Americans. We live for confrontation and here we are just walking away from it. God, I hate the Obama administration. What a bunch of silly ass punks. Obama has turned us into a nation of wimps.”

Rep. Louie Gohmert  (R-Texas), commenting on the Obama Administration's closing of embassies in the Middle East following the interception messages suggesting a terrorist attack was being planned.

Overheard in Washington, D.C.:

Louie Gohmert

"Radical Islamists are being trained to act HISPANIC and cross the border into the United States! We gotta stop it!"

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas)

You Know Who

 - - -

"Being trained to act Hispanic? What does that mean, meester? They like tacos and little dogs with no fur? They like to mow lawns and take siestas in the afternoon?"

You Know Who, the chihuahua

Louie Gohmert

 - - -

"Oh, shut the fuck up. I don't talk to dogs. After the bomb in Boston, we need to built a giant wall right along the United States and Mexico border, arm it with nuclear weapons, ninjas, bad-ass sheriffs, and tax accountants. That'll keep them out. I'm from Texas, dammit. I know about shit like this."

Rep. Gohmert

You Know Who

 - - -

"Meester, you are loco. Mucho loco. You need to eat more guacamole. At Taco Bell, of course.":

 You Know Who, the chihuahua

Louie Gohmert

 - - -

"Guacamole will make me smarter and less crazy?"

You Know Who

 Rep. Gohmert

- - -

"No, meester, nothing can do that. I theeenk you are maybe retarded. But the guacamole will make you shut the fuck up for a while."

You Know Who, the chihuahua

Overheard on Rick Santorum's Farm:

Rick Santorum

"Every time we think of gays and lesbians finally getting what they want, and finally being able to be legally married, the first thing we think of is men having the right to marry their favorite animals and having LOTS of SWEATY, MUDDY BARNYARD sex, because if they gays get what they want, why can't we get what we most want in the world, which is an afternoon on Rick Santorum's Farm?  C 'mon! Sing it boys!

Rush Limbaugh

 - - -

Rick Santorum had a farm

E-I-E-I-O

With a duck-duck here

That I fucked over there

Here a duck, there I fucked, everywhere a duck I fucked

Rush Limbaugh, conservative radio commentator who earns $40 million per year and has an estimated net worth of $350 million, proving he is a salt-of-the-earth man-of-the-people type of guy.

Rep. Louie Gohmert

- - -

Rick Santorum had a farm

E-I-E-I-O

With a moo-moo here and a moo-moo there

That I screwed, that I screwed, everywhere a moo I screwed

 Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas)

Benjamin Carson Sr.

 - - -

Rick Santorum had a farm

E-I-E-I-O

With a chick-chick here, and a chick-chick there

That I licked, that I licked, everywhere a chick I licked

Benjamin Solomon "Ben" Carson Sr., Ph.D., neurosurgeon and anti-gay pundit

Michael Reagan

- - -

Rick Santorum had a farm

E-I-E-I-O

With an oink-oink here and an oink-oink there

That I boinked, that I boinked, everywhere an oink I boinked

Michael Reagan, son of former President Ronald Reagan, former radio host and Republican strategist

- - -

Rick Santorum

Rick Santorum had a farm

E-I-E-I-O

With a sheep-sheep here, and a sheep-sheep there

That I bleeped, that I bleeped, everywhere a sheep I bleeped

Rick Santorum had a farm

E-I-E-I-O

 Rick Santorum, America's favorite Roman Catholic and founding member of the National He-Man Homo-Haters Club, whose personal net worth is estimated at  between $500,000 and $2.6 million. He is a former U.S. Senator from Pennsylvania and potential 2016 GOP presidential candidate.