Overheard in Florida:

The TEA Party

“Rubio, you are toast! YOU supported immigration reform! Come next election, you are dead meat!”

The TEA Party

Marco Rubio

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"Who the fuck are you?"

Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Florida)

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The TEA Party

"We are the TEA Party, dickhead. This is what we look like underneath our human costumes. Notice how we all stand up straight and walk in a very straight line. We are very rigid and unable to march out of sync. We all follow the same rules and like the same things. No individuality is acceptable in our party."

The TEA Party

Marco Rubio

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“But you used to love me! I was one of your darlings!”

Sen. Rubio

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The TEA Party

“You changed Marco. It’s you; not us. We can't change. We are unable to change. Ever. About anything. We can't even change our underwear.”

The TEA Party

Marco Rubio

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“But I love teabagging! Ask my wife or the gardener! They'll tell you! How can you go away and leave me like this? I don’t know if I can go forward without you!”

Sen. Rubio

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The TEA Party

“You probably can’t. Suck it up, Jethro. You are the one who did the flipping and the flopping, not us. Stop going commando. That might help.”

The TEA Party

Overheard in Washington, D.C.:

Darrell Issa

"Wow. It turns out I knew about the IRS targeting of TEA Party groups seeking charity status with the IRS all the way back in Summer 2012. I received a memo about it and I even acknowledged it in a public hearing. Yet, here I am raging with righteous indignation over the problem and pretending as if I have never heard a thing. Shit. I guess I fucked up. Good thing I don't have to apologize or even admit it publicly. God, it is good to be a Republican—especially a filthy rich Republican."

Rep. Darrell Issa (R- California), who is the second wealthiest member of the House of Representatives with a net worth valued at $215 to $745 million

Overherd in Washington, D.C.:

Lindsey Graham

"The TEA Party wouldn't DARE put up a primary challenger for me. If they were to try, I'd pitch a hissy fit they'd LONG remember. Look at it this way: I am a 57-year-old bachelor living in a Southern state. No one has ever so much as seen me hold hands with another person. And somehow, not a one of them has yet figured out that I am a lesbian, probably because they don't read this blog. I am a SURVIVOR, people, and I ain't afraid of no challengers. Wow. I think I sounded a little bit like Oprah there, don't you?"

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina), America's favorite lesbian lawmaker, who has a net worth of somewhere between $600,000 and $1.3 million. Graham may face a TEA Party backed challenger in the 2014 primary due to the number of times he has acted against the TEA's prescribed reign of terror.

Overheard in NYC and Elsewhere:

Karl Rove

"I hate the fucking Tea Party. They are bat shit fuck crazy. And I'm a Republican, so I know bat shit fuck crazy." 

Karl Rove, GOP strategist, former chief aid to President George W. Bush, and hater of anything that benefits mankind.

Donald Trump

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"Karl Rove is a walking talking billboard for fucktards. He totally blows hairy dwarfs. And I live in Atlantic City, so believe me, I know hairy dwarfs."

Donald Trump, business mogul, author, toupee wearer, and reality television star.

Gimli

  

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"I know hairy dwarfs, too." 

Gimli, son of Gloin.