"Sonuvabitch! I think the jig is up, John."
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| Barack Obama |
President Barack Obama
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| John McCain |
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"MR. PRESIDENT! I am surprised to hear you use the N word. A man of your stature, YOUR COLOR, should not ever under any circumstances use the word nig-"
Sen. John McCain (R-Arizona)
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| Barack Obama |
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"I didn't use the N-word, John. I said JIG, as in, 'If I were Irish and drunk, I might dance a jig,' or 'Hey, the game is over, the jig is UP.' I'd never use the N- word. Michelle would kick my ass. I can't even use it when Snoop Lion comes over to get smoked up."
President Obama
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| John McCain |
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"Oh. So how can I help you? And do you know where I am? Is this where I am supposed to be?"
Sen. McCain
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| Barack Obama |
"You're right here, Sen. McCain. As I was saying before you
jumped in,I think the public has figured out that maybe I kind of let a lot of things keep running that I promised to get rid of. Like the phone and Internet usage records. People are pissed. Oh, yeah, everyone liked it when they caught the Boston bombers in record time just like Jack Bauer would have done, but when they find out their privacy has to be invaded a little bit, everyone gets a little snarky."
President Obama
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| John McCain |
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"I think you have a few options, all of them stolen from past presidents. For one, you could be Richard Nixon, and tell the public to go fuck themselves, single file, in a parade down Main Street, USA."
Sen. McCain
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| Barack Obama |
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"Only Dick could have delivered that one correctly. No, that's not really my style."
President Obama
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| John McCain |
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"Well, you could pull a Ronald Reagan and just stand in front of the microphone and say, 'Well, uh, yes, uhm, well then," and turn around and walk away. And every time you get cornered, just do a different variation on that."
Sen. McCain
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| Barack Obama |
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"Now, he got away with that because everyone knew he had Alzheimer's, John. I don't think that will work for me."
President Obama
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| John McCain |
"Boy, you are one fucking kill joy. I can perform a frontal labotomy on a man using just a shrimp fork and a banana peel, but I'm damned if I know how to solve this one. OH WAIT. I'VE GOT IT. From now on, this will be known as 'Pulling an Obama.' That's how good it is. At your next press conference, when those media jackals start in on you, you look straight at the camera and say, 'I don't know what to tell you folks. These crazy white people in Congress literally held a gun to MY head and made me do it.' And then you cut lose with the famous 'Obama tear' thing and you walk away, overcome with emotion and unable to speak. Case closed."
Sen. McCain
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| Barack Obama |
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"Uhmmm, uhmmmm, hmmmm, hmmmm. You sure you aren't part pimp? You are one crafty motherfucker! Not only do I like it, I think it will work. You're a fucking genius!"
President Obama
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| John McCain |
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"No, no, I don't have any black in me. Tan maybe, but no nig-, er, uhm, I mean black."
Sen. McCain
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| Barack Obama |
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"GOOD ONE, JOHN!"
President Obama
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