 |
| Joe Biden |
“Dick,
the Secret Service says you and I are two very different people.”
Vice
President Joe Biden (D)
 |
| Dick Cheney |
-
- -
“Christ, I should hope so. You’re a
fucking idiot.”
Former Vice President Dick Cheney
(R)
|
| Joe Biden |
-
- -
“Nice.
Do you kiss your wife and your loony tunes daughter with that mouth?”
Vice
President Biden
 |
| Dick Cheney |
-
- -
“Fuck you. My family doesn’t kiss. We just
kind of nod at each other occasionally.”
Dick Cheney
|
| Joe Biden |
-
- -
“It
shows. That’s one more way you and I are different people. What are some
others? I, for instance, really like to get out there, press the flesh, mingle
with voters, work the floor of the Senate, or joke with the White House Press
corps.”
Vice
President Biden
-
- -
|
| Dick Cheney |
“I don’t like anyone to touch me.
It’s unsanitary and I'm a heart patient. And I very much preferred to meet with Senators individually,
after hours, and court their votes using thumbscrews and other instruments of
torture. If someone being tortured in the catacombs beneath the White House and
no one else hears them scream, did anything really happen? My position is no,
it didn’t. And I didn’t joke with the press. I don’t joke. Ever. I’m not
programmed to joke.”
|
| Joe Biden |
Dick Cheney
-
- -
“OK.
Well, I really support my president and welcome the opportunity to represent
him at official events and in foreign countries. The president can’t be
everywhere.”
Vice
President Biden
-
- -
|
| Dick Cheney |
“No, I didn’t really support George
W. Bush’s ideas and positions. Instead, I told him what to do and say about 90
percent of the time, and that’s what he did. And I didn’t travel much to
foreign countries, either. If someone wanted to meet with me, I told them to
come to America, goddamit, because I wasn’t going to some third world country
where I’d mistakenly drink the water and have diarrhea for seven months. I
think accessibility is a sign of weakness. But that’s what happens when you are
raised by rabid wolves—ask my daughter—she’ll confirm that.”
|
| Joe Biden |
Dick Cheney
-
- -
“I
try to say nice things about people and learn how to relate to them.”
Vice
President Biden
-
- -
|
| Dick Cheney |
“I don’t fucking like people at all
and really don’t give a shit about relating to them. I shoot my friends in the face, for fuck's sake.”
|
| Joe Biden |
Dick Cheney
-
- -
“I
believe everyone has a right to healthcare.”
Vice
President Biden
|
| Dick Cheney |
-
- -
“I believe anyone who doesn’t have
healthcare insurance should be handed a box of Band-Aids and at tube Neosporin.
If they need more than that, let them move to Europe.”
Dick Cheney
|
| Joe Biden |
- - -
“I
believe children have the right to go to bed and not be hungry at night.”
Vice
President Biden
|
| Dick Cheney |
-
- -
“I usually like to eat a few roasted
children and puppies before I go to bed at night.”
Dick Cheney
|
| Joe Biden |
-
- -
“I
am a Christian and active Roman Catholic.”
Vice
President Biden
|
| Dick Cheney |
-
- -
“I worship myself, and when I’m not
available, I worship piles of money.”
Dick Cheney
|
| Joe Biden |
-
- -
“Wow.
We really are different. You’re pretty fucked up, Dick.
You need professional
help… something.
Vice
President Biden
|
| Dick Cheney |
-
- -
“I was going to say the same thing
about you, shithead.”
Dick Cheney
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