 |
| Bill O'Reilly |
“I
know. It’s more rare than raw meat, but I have to acknowledge my mistake. I
said recently that no GOP leaders were invited to the fiftieth anniversary
celebration of Martin Luther King Jr.’s ‘I Have a Dream’ speech. They were all
invited, but none of them could attend, a fact which is even more disturbing
than the fact that I made a statement without checking on it first. I am deeply
ashamed, as should every GOP member who was invited but made the choice not to
attend. There is absolutely NO acceptable reason for absence when it is an
event of this magnitude.”
Bill
O’Reilly, Fox host/author
- - -
 |
| Eric Cantor |
“I couldn’t attend the Martin Luther King Jr. celebration! I was way-y-y-y-y the fuck up
in North Dakota meeting with oil and gas lobby groups. I was up there helping
them count piles of money. Yeah, I represent a district in Virginia… what
difference does that make? The oil and gas lobby OWNS the GOP, my friend. We go
where they tell us to go and when. Listen… I tried to get one of my GOP
brethren to take my place but none of them was available.”
House
Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R)
- - -
 |
| John Boehner |
“Sorry,
I was even invited to speak, but I just was too busy. At the time, I was up in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. Yes, I certainly do represent a district in Ohio. What
was I doing in Wyoming? Fucking goats. That is the only reason to go to Wyoming.”
Speaker
of the House John Boehner (R)
 |
| Mitch McConnell |
- - -
“Don’t
look at me. I wasn’t invited to speak. I don’t know why, neither. I’ve never
owned slaves! I would have welcomed the opportunity to speak! I love the
darkies I represent.”
Senate
Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (D-Kentucky)
- - -
 |
| Harry Reid |
“Sorry.
I wasn’t there either. I forget what I was doing that day. Probably hanging out
somewhere being indecisive.”
Senate
Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nevada)
- - -
 |
| Nancy Pelosi |
“Nope.
I wasn’t there either. I was tied up. Literally. Mr. Pelosi is into that shit.”
House
Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-California)
- - -
“I
am still recovering from my health problems, though, yes, I did make it to
Washington for other events just a few weeks ago. Did I have a relapse since
then? No. I felt fine. I am 1,000 points of light old. Cut me a fucking break, will ya?”
Former
President George H.W. Bush (R)
- - -
 |
| George W. Bush |
“I
actually am recovering from a medical procedure I just had this week. I would have loved to have
been there. Maybe.”
Former
President George Bush (R)
- - -
 |
| Rick Santorum |
"Who in the hell is the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and why does he get a holiday for all the federal workers to have another day off paid for by the taxpayers!"
Rick
Santorum,
former senator from
Pennsylvania, America's favorite Roman Catholic, founding member of the
National He-Man Homo-Haters Club, and now the head of a Christian movie
studio in Texas. Santorum says he is open to a presidential candidacy in 2016.
 |
| Jimmy Carter |
- - -
“I
was there! It was a magnificent experience and a celebration of our progress as
a nation.”
Former
President Jimmy Carter (D)
 |
| Bill Clinton |
- - -
“Of
course I was there. I love me some brown sugar, even if I only get to look!”
Former
President Bill Clinton (D)
- - -
“I
was there this time… and the first time. God loves Republicans despite the fact
that they do not give a shit about people of color or anyone unable to
contribute to their third party political action committees.”
Rep.
John Lewis
(D-Georgia)
- - -
 |
| Barack Obama |
I was there and I could not, if I spent an entire lifetime, explain to any of you what it meant to have the honor of even attempting to follow in Dr. King's footsteps. I am forever humbled and I thank you for giving me this amazing opportunity that cannot ever be replicated.”
President Barack Obama
 |
| Abraham Lincoln |
- - -
“I
was there… in spirit. And I was damn proud. And those Ass-Clowns who didn't show up? I have some theatre tickets for them....”
Former
President Abraham Lincoln, author of the Emancipation Proclamation and well-known frontier cuddle bunny.
- - -
 |
| Martin Luther King |
"I was there in spirit, too, Abe. Maybe the dream does still li-i-i-i-i-ve after all. I want to believe it does, even when the ro-o-o-o-ad seems too long to travel-l-l-l-l."
The Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., slain civil rights leader and universal source of inspiration for people everywhere.
|
| Abraham Lincoln |
- - -
"Somebody shut him the fuck up or we will be here forever and I for one don't have that kind of time. Martin still hasn't learned the beauty of a short speech, but I keep trying."
Abraham Lincoln
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