 |
| Jesus Christ, mutton lover |
“Michele.
Mich-e-l-l-e!”
Jesus
Christ,
son of God
- - -
 |
| Michele Bachmann |
“Who’s there?”
Rep. Michele Bachmann
|
| Jesus Christ, mutton lover |
- - -
“It’s
Jesus.”
Jesus
Christ
|
| Michele Bachmann |
- - -
“My fucking gardener? If it is, I’m sorry your
paycheck bounced. It was a bank error. Come around in the morning and I’ll give you cash.”
Rep. Bachmann
- - -
|
| Jesus Christ, mutton lover |
“No.
Jesus the son of God.”
Jesus
Christ
|
| Michele Bachmann |
- - -
“Is it really you or did I take too
much klonopin again?”
Rep. Bachmann
- - -
|
| Jesus Christ, mutton lover |
“It’s
really me.”
Jesus
Christ
|
| Michele Bachmann |
- - -
“Good. I hate it when I take too much
klonopin. I see and hear all sorts of shit.”
Rep. Bachmann
- - -
|
| Jesus Christ, mutton lover |
“I
want to talk to you, Michelle.”
Jesus
Christ
- - -
|
| Michele Bachmann |
“I want to talk to you, too, Jesus.”
Rep. Bachmann
- - -
|
| Jesus Christ, mutton lover |
“Well,
I want to talk about you asking people to pray Hillary Clinton does not end up
as president in 2016.”
Jesus
Christ
- - -
|
| Michele Bachmann |
“Jesus, I don’t know what else to do.
Prayer seems to be the only option. She’s a juggernaut. If we are to save
America, we have to stop her. I was hoping you and your dad could kind of
intercede. Maybe make her have an accident, or do something so heinous that no
one would vote for her.”
Rep. Bachmann
- - -
|
| Jesus Christ, mutton lover |
"Michele,
my Father and I do not do politics. EVER. We made it our policy a long time
ago. But now, thanks to you, we have a million or so people asking us to throw
Hillary down a flight of stairs. Now that’s not right. It’s certainly not very
Christian. You are not supposed to be praying for things that would make you
personally happy, you know. I’m not fucking Santa Claus. You don’t send me a
list of the things you want and VOILA, your own personal angel arrives with a
bunch of packages from Father and me.”
Jesus
Christ
|
| Michele Bachmann |
- - -
“WHAT? I was told that is JUST how it
works. You mean I've been getting my ass out of bed every Sunday morning for nothing?”
Rep. Bachmann
- - -
|
| Jesus Christ, mutton lover |
“Let
me guess… Evangelical Church?”
Jesus
Christ
- - -
|
| Michele Bachmann |
“How did you know that, Jesus? Are you
a witch?”
Rep. Bachmann
- - -
|
| Jesus Christ, mutton lover |
“I’m
Jesus Christ, Michele. I know everything—including the fact that your husband
is a homo, not that there is anything wrong with that.”
Jesus
Christ
- - -
|
| Michele Bachmann |
“He is not. He just has a low libido. He’s been through the
former gay therapy model and now loves my vagina.”
Rep. Bachmann
- - -
|
| Jesus Christ, mutton lover |
“Can
you see what is going through his head when he is being intimate with you? I
can, so shut up and listen. He is a butt pirate. Now, I want you to stop your calls for a GOP prayer
fest. Father and I are going to block every prayer that comes in from a GOP'ers and conservatives until you do. We won’t listen to them at all."
Jesus
Christ
|
| Michele Bachmann |
- - -
“You can’t do that.”
Rep. Bachmann
- - -
|
| Jesus Christ, mutton lover |
“Michele,
my Father is God. He can do anything. Except make you intelligent, apparently.”
Jesus
Christ
- - -
|
| Michele Bachmann |
“Are you sure you’re not Bill Maher dressed
in a heavenly glow? You are really picking on me and he loves to do that. Is that you Bill? If you are Jesus, did your Father make klonopin? Thank him for me if he did.”
Rep. Bachmann
- - -
|
| Jesus Christ, mutton lover |
“Yes, Father made klonopin. No,
I am not Bill Maher, but I do know Bill. We have lunch regularly.”
Jesus
Christ
- - -
|
| Michele Bachmann |
“But he’s an atheist. Even when he is sitting with you he doesn't believe you are there! Whoa. I have to sit down after that one.”
Rep. Bachmann
- - -
|
| Jesus Christ, mutton lover |
“Exactly.
Who better to talk with than someone who doesn’t believe in you? Besides,
Christians are a tiresome bunch. Too many phonies and s-o-o-o-o-o much piety. I
can’t take too much of that.”
Jesus
Christ
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