 |
| Barack Obama |
“President
Putin, what in the name of Catherine the Great and her Giant Horse are you doing writing an op-ed piece in the
New York Times, lecturing America about its position in the world? Where in the fuck do you get off taking the moral high ground, a position normally held by me!”
President
Barack Obama
- - -
 |
| Vladimir Putin |
“Is fact, President Barack Obama, my
African warrior friend. All of America, and especially you, are big bullies of
world. Picking on poor defenseless Syria as you are doing, persecuting my good
friend President Assad. Is not right that you can do this.”
Russian President Vladimir Putin
- - -
|
| Barack Obama |
“When
did you become such a comedian?”
President
Obama
- - -
|
| Vladimir Putin |
“What mean this ‘Am I comedian?’ I no
tell funny ha-ha’s. There are no jokes in Russia. We banned them long ago.”
President Putin
- - -
|
| Barack Obama |
“Well,
it didn’t work. The idea of you, invoking Freedom of the Press, to speak your
mind in an American newspaper is laughable. If someone did the same thing in a
Russian newspaper, and said anything about you, you’d have them shot at dawn.
Yet you come over here bad mouthing the United States while presenting yourself
as a choir boy, talking about God and all sorts of shit. It's almost obscene.”
President
Obama
|
| Vladimir Putin |
- - -
“I want American people know I am
God-fearing man, not monster. I want American people know just what a bully you
are. I want American people know your country is not exceptional; your people
are not exceptional. Certainly, their president is not exceptional.”
President Putin
- - -
|
| Barack Obama |
“Vladimir.
Look at me. I weigh 125 pounds soaking wet. My wife tells me what to do. I couldn’t bully someone if I wanted to. I can’t get a single member of Congress
to do shit. I don’t know how to bully. America is not exceptional? America is
filled with exceptional people doing exceptional thing every day. I suspect the
same is true about Russia, though we never know it because all we ever see from
Russia is your skinny little sinister ass telling us we are all about to die.
You are jealous, President Putin.
Just. Plain. Jealous.”
Just. Plain. Jealous.”
President
Obama
|
| Vladimir Putin |
- - -
“Bah. More of your lies, President
Obama. Next you will be telling me to go home and eat peas. You are bully and
the world is watching. So are your people.”
President Putin
|
| Barack Obama |
- - -
“Watching
me? Really? This isn’t Mother Russia. We don’t watch people here.
President
Obama
- - -
|
| Vladimir Putin |
“That is not the story we are
extracting from Mr. Spyboy Edward Snowden. He paints quite a different picture.
By the way, it was not hard to break him. All it took was one thumbscrew and
two water boards and poof, he goes down like American sorority girl during pledge
week.”
President Putin
|
| Barack Obama |
- - -
“Nice
talk. You are a vile, horrible man.”
President
Obama
- - -
|
| Vladimir Putin |
“President Obama. Do you have any nude
photos of your wife?"
President Putin
- - -
|
| Barack Obama |
“That
is outrageous! Of course I have no nude photos of my wife. I wouldn't tell you if I did.”
President
Obama
- - -
|
| Vladimir Putin |
“No need. I have my own, which I would share if you ask pretty please. We have strong Russian satellites that take pictures of many things. MANY things.”
President Putin
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