Overheard in the House:

Eric Cantor

 

“OK guys, change of plans. We cannot defund Obamacare. It just will not work the way we want it to work. So, we go to Plan B.”

Rep. Eric Cantor (R-Virginia)

- - -

Michele Bachmann

“OK. Plan B? Wait. We are going to take emergency contraception? I can’t do that. I’m an evangelical. Plus my formerly gay husband has a really low libido, so I don’t need it.”

Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minnesota)

- - -

Eric Cantor

“No, Rep. Klonopin, not the contraceptive, Plan B, but the House GOP Plan B for taking down Obamacare.”

Rep. Cantor

- - -

Michele Bachmann

“Oh. That’s different then. Don’t hate me because I am holier than

you, Rep. Cantor. I am holier than nearly everyone. I can't feel my lips or toes because of the klonopin, but I am holier than you. I think.”

Rep. Bachman

- - -

Louie Gohmert

“Now you all know we have this little battle coming up over the debt ceiling. If we don’t raise the ceiling, everything shuts down and EVERYONE gets pissed off. That is a no-win preposition, whatever that is.”

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Texas)

- - -

John Boehner

“Right, Louie. So rather than offer up a no-win PROPOSITION, we instead want to use that debt ceiling vote to bring about the demise of Obamacare. Muahahahahahahaha. Ha.”

Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-Ohio)

- - -

Eric Cantor

“But rather than do it all in one chunk, we’re going to take it a step at a time. For our first step, we will refuse to raise the debt ceiling UNLESS the entire Obamacare program is delayed for one year.”

Rep. Cantor

John Boehner

- - -

“Surely within a one-year period, we can find some way to halt Obamacare, because once it kicks in fully, everyone is going to find out it actually will work, and the GOP is never going to see the inside of the Oval Office again!”

Rep. Boehner

Michele Bachmann

- - -

“And we can’t have that. Though what do I care? I’ve got four more months to serve and I am out of here, one step ahead of the law, even if I can't feel my toes. Rep. Boehner? Can you feel my toes?”

Rep. Bachmann

Louie Gohmert

- - -

“Is there really a ‘Lincoln Bedroom’ at the White House. I think I’d like to defile the sheets there. I don't know why.”

Rep. Gohmert

- - -

John Boehner

'

“Isn’t this going to piss off Ted Cruz in the Senate? After all, we’ve been egging him on over this ‘Defund Obamacare’ thing for months and now we are dropping the whole thing. Will he be made do you think?”

Rep. Boehner

Eric Cantor

- - -

“Not our problem, Mr. Speaker. He is a dick anyway. Who

cares what he thinks. Let's see him get off his lazy ass and do something besides talk about how much he's doing.”

Rep. Cantor