 |
| Vladimir Putin |
“I
am only going to say this a few more times, President Obama, my African warrior
friend. You need to carefully consider whether or not you really want to start
anything in Syria. I do not care if Bashar al-Assad is using baby children
doused in sarin as kindling wood to burn their parents as witches … Syria is
our friend, just as Israel is your friend. And we both protect our friends. And
it is no secret that there are experts in America who believe this chemical
attack was orchestrated by the rebels to make poor Bashar look badly in the
eyes of America. So do we believe the reports of American military
intelligence—probably the same people who took you on a search for Saddam
Hussein’s weapons of mass destruction? Or do we believe the other experts this
time? Or does America just for once mind its own fucking business?”
Russian
President Vladimir Putin
 |
| Barack Obama |
- - -
“Look, Vlad. I understand your
position. But ever since I made that fucked-up comment about Syria crossing a
‘red line,' my ass, my legacy, have been at risk. America isn’t like Russia. I
cannot just send a train full of opposition members on a one-way trip to
Siberia, never to be heard from again.
President Barack Obama
- - -
|
| Vladimir Putin |
“Trust
me, that is too bad for you. There is no sound quite like that of your enemies
being ripped from their lives and sent to concentration camp. Some things just
make me happy and I do not know why.”
President
Putin
|
| Barack Obama |
- - -
“I hate to stop you when you are being
so eloquent, but I cannot do what you are asking. My dick is on the chopping
block, Vlad, so do what you must.”
President Obama
|
| Vladimir Putin |
- - -
“Of
course we will. We are Russia.”
President
Putin
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