Overheard Somewhere:

Bashar al-Assad

"Ohhhhh.... African warrior president Barack Obama took one look at the ferocious Syrian army and decided he better think about it some more and get permission from his mommy. Maybe he is not the stupid man I thought him to be. Or maybe he is a big pussy boy."

Syrian President Bashar al-Assad

Vladimir Putin

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"Bashar. Do not poke a tiger with a stick or it will turn you into a steak. Shut the fuck up."

Russian President Vladimir Putin

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"You go ahead and speak your mind, Bashar the Sarin user. You have the right to believe what you want to believe and do what you want to do. Don't pay any attention to President Putin. Keep trash talking the United States. Yep. That will piss the public off and rev up our fury. Yep keep it up."

Secretary of State John Kerry

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John McCain

"I for one am ashamed. I thought I was rubbing off on President Obama, but apparently not. Frankly, I think the president is a big fucking pussy for not acting on his own presidential powers and acting to be the commander in chief. How many more people will die before he acts? Personally, I would love to see him in 'Hamlet.'"

Sen. John Blood and Guts McCain (R-Arizona)

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"I personally believe the Oval Office needs new drapes. I'd like to see a cute little rainbow motif with perhaps a nautical theme for the carpeting. It would be marveylicious!"

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina)