Monday, March 3, 2014

Overheard on John Kerry's Cellphone:



John Kerry


“President Putin, who do you think you are anyway? You can’t go around invading countries on some trumped-op pretext! That is just wrong. And if Russia wants to sit at the grown-up table, it needs to act like it.

Secretary of State John Kerry





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Vladimir Putin


“So, Secretary of State Johnny ‘Longface’ Kerry, you say that no country should invade another on a phony pretext, is that what you believe? This is what the mighty United State of America believes?”

Russian President Vladimir Putin




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John Kerry

“Yes, that is what the United States believes and how we try to behave.”
Secretary Kerry




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Vladimir Putin

“Then how could United States go marching into Iraq on the pretext of Saddam Hussein having weapons of mass destruction, when the only WMD he had was his breath, and there was no evidence of any connection between Iraq and the 9/11 terrorist action?”
President Putin






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John Kerry


“I wasn’t secretary of state back then, Mr. Putin, so I can’t really address that.”
Secretary Kerry






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Vladimir Putin

“No? But as senator, you did vote in favor of Iraq invasion, and then you defended the action when you ran for president, even though it was very clear there were no WMDs to be found anywhere in Iraq. You come over here acting all high-and-mighty but the United States has its own history of bullshit actions.”
President Putin





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John Kerry


“Just because we did it doesn’t mean you can.”
Secretary Kerry






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Vladimir Putin


“And just because you say I can’t doesn’t mean I should walk away, Johnny Longface, no matter how much American righteous indignation you hurl at me with your accusatory glances. Now leave me alone, I have civilians to slaughter. Oh, and gay boys, too.”
President Putin

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