Overheard at 'The Hospital':

Liz Cheney

"We were allowed to use our paints yesterday. I like the way the red looks when you paint it on macaroni. It also tastes better than the green."

Liz Cheney, an extremely smug and abrasive far right wing conservative pundit steeped heavily in the politics of fear and maintaining a distance from reality. Like her father, Darth Vader, Liz has no heart and eats puppies and small children for breakfast. Unlike him, she prefers hers with ketchup.

Overheard in Georgia:

Sue Everhart

"If we allow this gay marriage stuff to go through, why straight men and women will be LINING UP to pretend they are gay and get free government-paid benefits! There is no way this is about equal rights for all; it's about getting something for free!"

Adan Sandler

Georgia GOP Chairwoman Sue Everhart

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"You do realize that sounds like the plot from one of my movies, right? 'I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry'? Ever seen it?"

Adam Sandler, actor

Sue Everhart

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"Wait... wasn't that a documentary? SHIT!"

Sue Everhart

Overheard at 'The Hospital':

Liz Cheney

 "I am not allowed to use the scissors on arts and crafts day here at the mental hospital. It puts the other patients in danger."

Liz Cheney, a far right wing conservative pundit steeped heavily in the politics of fear and maintaining a distance from reality. Like her father, Darth Vader, Liz has no heart and eats puppies and small children for breakfast. Unlike him, she prefers hers with ketchup.

Overheard in the Senate:

Ted Cruz

"Yesterday, I led the 36th attempt by Republicans in the Senate to appeal the Affordable Care Act—Obamacare to people trying to make it sound yucky. Funny, isn't? We Republicans just can't tackle any other single problem in the entire nation other than this piece of legislation. I wonder if we have some motivation for that."

Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas), who has a net worth estimated at $3.5 million.

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Marco Rubio

"And that's not all! When no one was looking, we Senate Republicans attached FIVE anti-abortion amendments to the budget resolution, in an effort to FURTHER RESTRICT the healthcare options of women in the United States AND AROUND THE WORLD, while getting it passed under the cover of the budget! We want out women barefoot, pregnant, and subservient to their men. And yet.... American women keep voting us into office. "

Sen. Marco Rubio, the great non-white hope of the GOP and one-time King of Pork Barrel Projects in the state of Florida, whose net worth is estimated at somewhere between $-370,000 and $300,000. (The negative sign is not a typo.)

Overheard in Washington, D.C.:

Rick Santorum

"Do you think I would lose my standing with my  Conservative base if they found our how much time I spent wearing women's clothing? Nah. They are a pretty tolerant bunch."

Rick Santorum, America's favorite Roman Catholic and founding member of the National He-Man Homo-Haters Club, whose personal net worth is estimated at  between $500,000 and $2.6 million.

Lindsey Graham

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"It has never hurt me any, Ricky."

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina), renowned lesbian lawmaker with a net worth of somewhere between $600,000 and $1.3 million.

Mitch McConnell

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"I look rather good in gingham."

 

Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky), whose personal fortune is estimated at $50 million. McConnell is known to smile only when draining the life force from young children and the elderly—preferably both at the same time