Overheard in Vatican City:

Timothy Dolan

“I don’t think the pope really meant to suggest church doctrine regarding homosexuality is changing. We still don’t endorse it, and it’s still a sin.”

Archbishop of New York and former archbishop of Milwaukee Timothy Dolan, America's favorite shielder of pedophiles.

Pope Francis I

- - -

“No, no! I mean what I say! Whom am I to judge these boys and girls?”

Timothy Dolan

Pope Francis I

- - -

“You are the goddam Holy Father, that’s who you are and you CAN’T change church doctrine during the filming of  ‘Popes on a Plane’! I don't know what came over you but I hope it NEVER happens again!”’

Cardinal Dolan

Pope Francis I

 - - -

 

“Of course I can. I just did. C’mon, Timmy. You know how it works for us Catholics. We go out on Friday night, engage in a little gay sex action, and then on Saturday, we go to confession, do our act of contrition, and then all is forgiven and we have a clean slate… God smiles at us! If God smiles at non-priests for what they do, why wouldn’t he smile at a priest who does same thing?”

Pope Francis

Timothy Dolan

- - -

“You don’t understand, Holy Father. Catholics cannot start giving the old ‘nod and a wink’ to gay sex. If that happens, we might as well shut down the Vatican, sell all the old Bingo equipment, and go the hell home. Homosexuality is not a sin, but homosexual acts are. Don’t you get it? That's been our double standard for the past 2,000 years!”

Cardinal Dolan

Pope Francis I

- - -

“Jesus say 'no judge,' I no judge! Don’t second guess Jesus; don’t second guess me. Now leave me alone. I have to go feed the children. I think you need to lighten up a bit, Timmy. Why don’t you go somewhere, masturbate and calm down. Then go down to confession and ask for forgiveness, of course, and be sincere about it, but by all means, do it. Unwind. And take off that stupid fucking hat.”

Timothy Dolan

Pope Francis I

- - -

“I’ve NEVER done that, Holy Father.”

Cardinal Dolan

Pope Francis I

- - -

“Timmy… to me telling the lie is a bigger sin than bopping the bologna. What? You were never a boy? Never a teenager? You weren't always such a rigid tight ass. Once upon a time you were human and knew it. Get over yourself. Now run along. That’s a papal order.”

Pope Francis I