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| Rand Paul |
 |
| Newt Gingrich |
“New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has a big mouth and a fat ass. Who does he think he is? Gov. Tony Soprano? Gov. Christie should stick to what he knows best: doughnuts.”
 |
| Chris Christie |
Former House Speaker and new CNN host-to-be Newt Gingrich, announcing he was siding with Sen. Rand Paul in Paul’s ongoing battle of words with Christie. Gov. Christie has called libertarianism “a very bad thought” and blasted Paul’s ongoing discourse on foreign policy as an “esoteric debate.” Paul has called Christie “the king of bacon” for accepting government funds for hurricane relief aid without pushing for federal budget cuts to offset the expense. Christie in turn has told Paul that if he is concerned about pork, he needs to do something about the $1.50 residents of Kentucky receive for every $1 they pay in federal tax, compared with the 67 cents that New Jersey residents get back for every $1 they pay in federal income tax.
 |
| Tony Soprano |
- - -
"Leave me the fuck out of this, Gingrich, you rotten cocksucker. You have no idea of who you are messing with. And I'm not dead. I'm in the Witness Protection Program."
Tony Soprano, New Jersey mob boss
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| Benny Hill Gingrich |
- - -
“Uhmmmmm…
Newtie? Don’t you think that’s a little bit harsh? Have you taken a look at
your own caboose lately? It’s not exactly on the small side. I've seen smaller back porches than yours on stadiums.”
Benny
Hill Gingrich,
comedian and long lost twin brother of Newt.
|
| Newt Gingrich |
- - -
“Benny,
shut up. I’m making national headlines here. I don’t need any running
commentary from you, please.”
Newt
Gingrich
|
| Benny Hill Gingrich |
- - -
“Oh
my. Mr.
National Headlines. Mr. Fancypants. May I bow down and honor your
sartorial splendor? Mr.
Going-to-be-on-the-news-again. Big deal! Alright. I’ll move along. But just
remember, Newtie, ‘Just because nobody complains about parachutes…”
Benny
Hill Gingrich
|
| Newt Gingrich |
- - -
“…doesn’t
mean all parachutes are perfect!’ Dammit! Get out of here! I need to erase those damn punchlines somehow!”
Newt
Gingrich
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