Overheard on PBS:

Bashar al-Assad

“The Syrian military did not use chemical weapons. We are nice people. We don’t harm our citizens! We weren’t even there. Oh wait. Some soldiers where there, but they were exposed to the same chemical weapons and ended up in the hospital or as casualties themselves. It is so ridiculous to suggest we bombed that same area afterward to disguise evidence of the attack. Why would we do this? Would you do this? We wouldn’t do this!”

Syrian President Bashar al-Assad

Charlie Rose

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“President Barack Obama says you have crossed a red line by using chemical weaponry on your own citizens.”

Charlie Rose, host of the PBS show

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Bashar al-Assad

 

“And why would your president want to bomb Syria when more than half of Americans do not want to see Syria bombed. Doesn’t your president understand about public polls and their importance in Democratic society?”

President Assad

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Charlie Rose

“Well, I…”

Charlie Rose

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Bashar al-Assad

“President Barack Obama can go take a flying fuck on a galloping Presbyterian! What right does big Mr. Obama have setting red lines for Syria or any other country? He is not the boss of me. He is not the boss of anyone from what I can tell. I can do whatever I want in my country. I am the law! In Syria, I draw the red lines, not your President Obama. And if I want to color outside of the red lines, I can do it because I am the power! And the Syrian people, they know this. President Obama needs to set red lines for himself not to cross. If I want to fart poison gas on my people, I will do it. It is why they elected me.”

President Assad

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Charlie Rose

“But what about the dead children, Mr. President? WHAT ABOUT THE DEAD CHILDREN!”

Charlie Rose

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Bashar al-Assad

“Children die all the time in Syria. Some days we beat them to death just to pass time. We only have these pictures and video of the gassed people. We have no proof of where this happened, or if it really happened, or who did it. Show me bodies. Show me rotting corpses! Show me graves filled with dead babies! It may have been, how you say, a Hollywood movie for all we know. Show me the proof we did this! Show me PROOF!”

President Assad

John Kerry

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“You, sir, are a murdering psychopath and a liar. The use of chemical weaponry is a fact, and you did it, Jethro. FACT. And if the International community must punish you.”

Secretary of State John Kerry.

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Bashar al-Assad

“Who is Jethro? I am not Jethro. Are you Jethro, Mr. Charlie Rose? Look, Secretary Kerry, It is a fact that you have long face. But you have no other facts, so go away and leave me to deal with my own people as I see fit. 'Some nerve gas each day, keeps the rebels away... la, la, la...”

President Assad