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| Barney Fife |
“Let me
tell you more about Mayberry, the biggest HOTBED
of crime and sin in American history. Floyd the barber. Everybody loved old
Floyd, right? Floyd was one of the BIGGEST
child porn producers in North America! Ever listen to him talk? Creepy sounding
bastard, wasn’t he? Sounded like he just couldn’t wait to get some little kid
out of his little white BVDs! Ever get a look at his booster seat for kids?
Well, did you? No? Innocent looking thing, until you discover it’s molded in
the shape of a MAN’S LAP. Yessir! A MAN’S LAP! You’ll notice I never let
the sonuvabitch cut my hair or put his razor anywhere near my throat. He knew Deputy Sheriff Barney Fife was on to him.”
Deputy
Sheriff Barney Fife of Mayberry, North Carolina
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