Overheard in a History Book:

"No I did not invent the fucking hot dog. I was a goddam Supreme Court Justice for 23 goddam years. Study harder, dickheads."

Felix Frankfurter, an associate justice in the U.S. Supreme Court from 1939 to 1962, once called "the most dangerous man in the United States" by then Federal Bureau of Investigation director J. Edgar Hoover.

Overheard in a History Book:

"That's right. The windshield wiper blade was invented by a woman—ME—in 1903. Most cars didn't even have windshields when I came up with the idea. What? You have a hard time believing a woman would invent something that would go over the same thing over and over and over and over again, stop for a while, and then go over and over and over and over it again, forever if necessary? Then you don't know women. Shithead."

Mary Anderson, who was also a real estate developer, rancher, and viticulturist

Overheard in a History Book:

Gerald Ford signing Nixon's pardon

"Considering my pardon of Nixon, and the generally shitty performance I exhibited as president, I remain surprised that I only faced two assassination attempts."

Gerald Ford (R), 38th president of the United States. Ford was the only president to ever serve without being elected president or vice president. In his bid for a second term, he was defeated by Democrat Jimmy Carter.

Overheard in a History Book:

"I never, EVER, said 'Let them eat cake.' I have never been amused by that. What I actually said was, 'Let the poor fuckers eat shit,' because that is how we nobles feel about the poor. Ask your Mitt Romney; he will confirm it."

Marie Antoinette, former Queen of France

Overheard in Washington, D.C.:

Theodore Roosevelt

"Someone needs to start walking the halls of the Capitol and just arbitrarily kicking the shit out of people. That's my solution to your present-day gridlock. If we had done what I advocated in 1914—sterilized the sick, unemployed, poor, criminals, prostitutes, and the disabled--I believe we wouldn't have the problems we have now in Congress. We certainly wouldn't have many of the same people in office. Bully, indeed!"

Theodore Roosevelt (R), 26th president of the United States.

Overheard in a History Book:

Marie Curie

"Sometimes my husband Pierre says I just glow. I'm not sure what he means."

Marie Skłodowska-Curie (Marie Curie), physicist/chemist famous for her pioneering research on radiation.