Overheard in the White House

Barack Obama

“Premier Putin? Barack Obama here. Yes, the Barack Obama who is president of the United States. You never stop busting my balls, do you? Is that a Russian thing?”

Vladimir Putin

President Barack Obama

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“What can I do for you, my African warrior president friend?”

Russian Premier Vladimir Putin

Barack Obama

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“I just wanted to let you know, that as a result of your country’s decision to give asylum to leaker Edward Snowden, I am going to cancel our planned September Summit. I will still attend the G-20 meeting, of course, but I won’t be meeting with you privately. In fact, I may not even shake your hand while I am there. Look, you have strained our personal relationship, Premier Putin.”

President Obama

- - -

Vladimir Putin

“You Americans are so very touchy about such things. So, big deal. I changed my mind and gave this poor Mr. Spyboy Snowden a safe place to sleep. What is the big deal here, President Obama? Are you upset because you will not have the opportunity to hang him by his nipples and pull out toenails until he confesses? Are you frustrated that you cannot bury him in a fire ant mound? Would you have preferred to lock him away in a cold damp room and feed him only insects until he decided to talk?”

Barack Obama

Premier Putin

- - -

“Uhmmm … this is the United States.
We do not do those things, Premier Putin.”

President Obama

- - -

Vladimir Putin

 “Then I think you are missing a very good time. Walk on the wild side, my African warrior friend. Walk on the Wild Side. It is not just a song by Lou Reed; it’s a way of life. What's that chorus? 

"Oh yes: ‘And the colored girls go, do-do-da-do-do-do do-do-da-do-do-do do-do-da-do-do-do.”

Premier Putin

Barack Obama

- - -

“I will leave that to you, Premier Putin. I don’t really like the wild side. It messes up my hair and wrinkles my suit.”

President Obama

Vladimir Putin

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“Suit yourself, President Obama. As will I.”

Premier Putin