Overheard at the Vatican:

The Cardinals

"Helluva weekend, wasn't it? What a town! Just as many orphanages as there are bars! You don't find that in Vegas. Nod, nod, wink, wink. Anyone wanna confess anything? Anyone? If you had the kind of weekend I had, you should ALL be confessing something, know what I mean? My guess is you are all going to hell. Muahahahahaha-ha-ha-ha!"

The Cardinals Conclave at The Vatican, where it was recently discovered Intenet access to Internet sites which publicize cases of child sexual assault by clergy members, particularly bishopaccountability.org, is blocked for computers within the Vatican on the basis of "hate" and "racism."

Overheard at the Vatican:

The Cardinals

"HEY! You stupid AMERICAN cardinals! Quit talking to the media! Do you think Jesus wants everyone to know what goes on behind closed doors here at the Vatican as we work to choose a new pope? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

The Cardinals Conclave at the Vatican

Jesus Christ

 - - -

"Listen up, oh boys with funny hats: keep me out of your bullshit. In my Father's house, there are many mansions, and not one of them has a damn door. There are NO closed doors here in heaven and nothing bad would go on behind them even if we DID have doors here. Take a lesson from that, assholes. The Catholic Church would be better served by OPENING its fucking doors ALL the time. Bad things might still happen when the doors are left open, but at least we will know who is doing what to whom. And yes, the lamb I'm holding means I'm having Greek for lunch again. What can I say. I love gyros."

 Jesus Christ, son of God